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Power Tour

2017 Power Tour – Day 02

Welcome back to our daily coverage of the 2017 Hot Rod magazine Power Tour. This is the road trip that keeps on giving. In this case, it gave us, not one, but two, count ‘em, two days in picturesque Iowa. How could we resist a second day in the state that produces one tenth of our nation’s food supply (if there’s any justice in this world, some sort of Twinkie or Ding Dong processing plant is a major contributor to this stat). Thanks to the impossibly poor Wi Fi speeds at the Embassy Suites, I was forced to get up early (ewww) and walk (double ewww) to the nearest Starbucks. How slow was it? The internet speed was even slower than I move after a big hike (for clarification, my idea of a big hike is moving from the couch to the fridge). During my early morning expedition to Starbucks - which I should point out comprises many, many more steps than the walk between my couch and fridge - I was able to explore downtown Des Moines (knew I should have brought my hiking poles). As I crossed the lazily-named Des Moines River, I came upon this WIP bridge. I couldn't help but notice, it doesn't appear to connect any of the major arteries. It doesn't look to be close to anything. Perhaps... is this a bridge too far? Ha! See what I did there? I channeled my inner Forrest for that one. I hope I did you proud, good sir. After I pounded a couple of $18 venti Emperor's Clouds and Mist Green Teas - yes, Amy from accounting, they are that expensive, and no, I didn't get a receipt in the name of being green - we met up with the rest of our Mothers Polish crew at the Hot Guy, erm Hawkeye coin-op car wash. Pro tip: never, ever use the brush (much like my finger, you don't know where it's been). It's been brought to my attention that I've been spelling our friend Glen's name with an extra "n." That's peculiar, because I pride myself on creating work with an impeccable attention to detale. Speaking of details, check out that accent lighting! Here's our fearless leader, Jim Holloway with a little early morning TCB. I do the same thing, but my early morning TCB is all about figuring out the Total Cost of Butter on my bread. With our sleds freshly polished, we stopped to gas up before leaving Des Moines in our dust. Forrest was quick to point out how QuikTrip's hot chocolate is unrivaled. He claims it's the ultimate liquid expression of the cocoa bean where each soothing sip will send your tastebuds on a decadent trip. Speaking of trippy, it doesn't get much more wild than a QuikTrip in Des Moines at 7:30 on a Monday morning. People of Walmart is God's gift to the internet. With all due respect to the former, I think there is a strong case to be made for a People of QuikTrip site as well. This man is the hero we all need and he pulls off this sleeve-free, high vis shirt with the same sort of cocky insouciance as Keith Echol's did in his pink golf shirt. This, this is no walk of shame. This is a strut with the stuff that your momma gave you. Mind you, this was still on a Monday morning at 7:30. On a somewhat related note, I have those same shoes in purple (It was the eighties. I was listening to a lot of Prince). Nothing like a liter of Mountain Dew and some Baked Lays to get the week started right (again, Monday at 7:30am). I'll sleep better at night knowing that this, ahem, thin blue line stands between me and the baddies. Looks like our motley crew will fit in just fine with the People of QuikTrip. I'd like to also point out the near-perfect bunny ear execution performed by Matt Boice of TEN, Hot Rod's parent company. All too often, the hand is placed too high or too far back, exposing the ham-fisted head of this, the saddest bunny. Fingers splayed out haphazardly or too close together, like a single, bloated rabbit ear. But not Matt's. It's a work of art and Shane's skinny noggin, is the unwitting rabbit-headed canvas left to Matt's bidding. It would have been the ultimate burn, but the insufferable pretense of Matt's Four Season's visor just sucks the fun out of any good-natured prank. Here Matt explains the various Four Season's spa packages available to Platinum-level guests like him. Forrest asks what kind of hot stones could possibly justify that rate, while Shane wonders if the seaweed body wrap is priced per pound, because if so, he could squeeze in a few thousand more steps and really save some coin. Here's our pal, Keith, always bringing a smile, even after we left him behind at the hotel. Sorry, Keith! I'm not going to say it was because of your pink golf shirt, but then again, I won't say it wasn't. Misspent youth representing the Power Tourists on the come up. Hey, Hunter, thanks for holstering Eli's guns. Ain't nobody got time for that, but then, this is the QuikTrip we're talking about here, so feel free to let fly! With Shane AND Matt in our rental Suburban, the last thing anyone would call it, is a safe place. On the plus side, our crew gets high marks for photo composition, but low scores in the lane keeping department. Pit Stop Liquors, where have you been all my life? In other news, that artwork could easily double as a DWI PSA. #themoreyouknow #hashtagsforeli So glad to see TV's Adrian Zmed found work after T.J. Hooker. Somehow I imagine this being Shane and I, long after we're done going on the Power Tour. Why do I have to be the fat one, Shane!? This is a picture of one of the Hot Rod shooters taking a picture of me taking my picture of him. What you can't see is Shane Snapchatting the entire exchange, making it all so very meta. This is going to be the cover of my coffee table book, bent on exploring the wonders of Iowa. I think I'll call it, "Plain to See." Upon seeing this business name everywhere (#becauseiowa), Shane, Matt and I would always change "Hawkeye" to "Hot Guy." And we'd laugh and laugh. I'm not sure why. In fact, as I write these words, the Hot Guy joke is no longer funny, instead it just feels sad and juvenile, much like most of my life choices. On second thought, Hot Guy Sewer & Drain is comedy gold. Ha! Okay, I'll stop now. I gotta wonder why the Mississippi Valley Fairgrounds are set in Davenport, Iowa, instead of, I dunno... Mississippi!!! Note to self: don't make plans for August 1-6 as I might be in the moooo-d for a stick of deep fried butter. Shane, does Whole30 have cheat days? My what big ears you have, Jonathan. I don't think Keith and Steen liked my previous joke. What's wrong, boys, was it too corny? #dadjokesftw Our own Nicolas Morelle getting down with a product demo highlighting our new Speed product line. And since you asked (you did ask, didn't you?), here's a product shot of some of our new Speed products. This is the walk of a man with confidence. A walk that only comes from a captain of industry, a proud, regal man. A man that would wear a Four Season's visor in a completely un-ironic fashion. I know I've seen that walk somewhere before. But where? There it is! Shane has all marks of a man on the fast track to success. That is, until you get a close look at his hat. Since I can no longer fat shame you, Shane, I'm resorting to an unrelenting sweat-shame campaign. This is Joe and Steen. Steen says Joe's okay, which makes him alright in our book. Plus he drives that sweet truck you see behind them, which makes him Matthew-McConaughey-alright-alright-alright in my book. Here they recalled the story of how they were attacked by a dog when on a quest for a jack (how many Power Tourers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently a lot, because no one carries a jack). To hear them talk, this dog was Cujo, but for some reason I can't get Eddie - the adorable, little dog from Frasier - out of my head when I hear their dog-eat-man tale. Okay, that's one way to put on a windshield banner. At least the strategic foot placement will help the patina along. I'm bringing one of these next year. I'll just hitch it to Shane's belt buckle and let him tow me all over each stop as he chases his daily step goal. #whole30rikshaw This was a wild ride. It's Josh Lester's pro street '93 Olds Cutlass. I asked him why an Olds. Simple, his dad was an Olds man, although he did admit that it'd be a lot easier if he was a Chevy guy. Josh also likes big block Olds power, which explains the 461 mill. It was previously Procharged, but Josh struggled to put down the power, spinning the tires to low nine second ETs. A recent switch to a 94mm turbo will give the Olds a better powerband and 1,000hp of usable power. Josh brought out the Olds for only one leg of the Tour as a shakedown for this year's Hot Rod Drag Week. In order to accommodate the passenger seat, he was forced to move some things around. Check out that armrest exhaust routing! Here's another misfit. A '68 Dart... With a stroked and turbo'd 700hp 2.4-liter F20C four-cylinder from an S2000. Loved this rat rodded Mack. Check out the 55-gallon drum fenders. Look at that official-looking Chevrolet Performance Suburban. Did I mention how official it looks? Could be the light bar, or perhaps the "Official Vehicle" graphics on the rocker panel. We may need to make some mods to our rental Suburban to keep up (although the stickers are impeccably placed). How about a sunroof? Or perhaps a laminated plaque that reads, "No dried fruit or raw peanuts of any kind allowing inside."   That's it for today's Day 02 coverage. For Day 03 tomorrow, we'll be going 201.7 miles to State Farm Center in Champaign, Illinois. In the meantime, please check out our Day 02 gallery of pics here. John Naderi for Mothers® Polishes•Waxes•Cleaners