Power Tour

Hello, Power Tour. It's me, nads. Sadly for you, Forrest's substitution was short-lived. Now that I've got a doctor's note clearing me for duty (as well as an ointment, clearing me of that rash), I'm back in control. And by control, I mean control of the Daily Power Tour Posts, not my love life, career, destiny or impulses. I still have no control of any of that. After a long Day 04 in the saddle, some of our crew took in a Cards game at Busch Stadium, until a rain delay put a damper on their fun. Rain delay? Rain delay?! You're telling me 18 multimillionaires can't hit a ball with a stick in the rain? The Power Tour doesn't stop for rain. In fact, the Power Tour stops for nothing - except maybe gas (hot rods burn a lot of fuel), and food (gotta eat), photo ops (our Instagram feeds ain't gonna populate themselves), and to heed the call of nature, which happens quite frequently with our gang (I'm looking at you, Gilbertson Girls). Okay, maybe we do interrupt our regularly scheduled Power Tour legs occasionally. So I guess you get a pass, America's favorite pastime... this time. For our Day 05 start, the storm left a little moisture behind. And speaking of little behinds, Carson's back. Your chonie game is strong, my man. They wouldn't happen to sell that print in an XL mankini cut, would they? Uh, asking for a friend. Our boy Glen (with one "n") was ready to rock in his Outlaw Mustang by Classic Design Concepts. Glen never says too much to me (probably because I've been spelling his name wrong all these years), but he did finally tell me where he works - a company called Dakkota Integrated Systems, Inc. Apparently they "manage the complete assembly and sequencing of integrated automotive interiors for original equipment manufacturers." Sounds impressive, but I still didn't understand. Then he showed me the "Illuminated Pony" badge from Dakkota and I finally saw the light. Get it? Yeah, no wonder Glen never talks to me. Whoever this St. Louis fellah was, he sure didn't seem too saintly to me. It seems like this entire town was built on on the back of big beer money. Sounds rather decadent to me (and altogether delicious). Had to swing by Busch Stadium on our way out of Forrest's home town. Forrest told me that many of the Cardinal greats are immortalized outside of Busch Stadium, like this statue of Stan (who apparently was the Man) Musial. When I jokingly asked Forrest if it would be more appropriate to have built the statue with old Budweiser cans, he was not amused. When in St. Louis, one does not make jokes about the Stan the Man. Lesson learned. But what about Red Schoendienst? C'mon, Forrest, that punchline almost writes itself! As we left St. Louis, we bid farewell the Gateway Arch, commonly known to math geeks as an inverted weighted catenary. C'mon, I can't be the only one who knows this. And by "knows this" I mean, "Googled it." Sorry, Slugger, Day 05 won't take us to Louisville, but Indianapolis instead. I loved our time spent in St. Louis, but I still don't understand why Forrest won't show me where he lives. It's not like I'm a stalker or anything. I just want to see what he looks like when he sleeps. Why did the screaming chicken cross the road? Because he's all about that hood life. How badly are you missing Forrest right now? Everybody in the midwest is so polite. Construction took the road down to a single lane. Literally miles before the cones every car merged into the left lane, including Forrest in our 59 Sedan Delivery. Since Shane and I are not from the midwest, we took this as an opportunity for a traffic-free couple of miles. It's almost impolite if we didn't do this. Not to mention that this mass consideration would never happen in California. Once we reached the cones, we safely merged/forced our way into the number one lane. While we waited for Forrest to catch up in the aftermath of his rather conservative style of merging, we spotted On the Rox, which was the perfect opportunity for me to get off the wagon. Don't worry, the wagon is what I call our 'Burban. Yes, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. After Forrest found that comically large Lite beer can yesterday, Shane's can envy prompted this pic. Your move, Forrest. Inside On the Rox I wanted to get a pic of Shane shooting pool. Way to let me down, Shane. Clearly you know nothing about the sport of billiards, judging by your poor form holding the pointy wooden pokey thing. Absolutely stunning entry sign spotted on the road to Indy. I've been thinking about implementing a similar treatment on my property. Currently it reads, "Apt. 201" and the "1" is finished in black electrical tape. You know the sort of mall-crawling Jeeps normally found at Starbucks. The kind where armor-plated attitude and undercarriage neon outweigh off-road prowess. That's why it was refreshing to find one of our favorite long haulers posted up at this Terra Haute 'Bucks. Karl Schultz told us his ride of choice for this year's Power Tour is a '68 M715 Jeep with a military box bed conversion. He fashioned the roof while on Tour when the heat got to be too much and the GM Motor Medics were able to fix a crack in the frame, otherwise it's been smooth sailing. Gooooo, Karl. Today on the drive Forrest called me to ask if we should stay on the official route or get on highway for a straight shot to Indy. I couldn't answer him because I was napping, er brainstorming (it's a creative process thing, you wouldn't understand). Shane was already driving, comparing the nav to the Tour driving directions, Facetiming with his girls and snacking on his Whole30 compliant snacks (it's important to read the wrappers, because you'll prefer to eat them instead of the "food" inside). I felt it prudent to hand him my phone since he had a better frame of reference in regards to "not getting lost," which befuddles me. Look at that skinny, little multi-tasker go! Leave the road?! What kind of GPS direction is that? This would only work if where we were going we didn't need roads. Hey, McFly, you Irish bug. Hello, Lucas Oil Raceway at Indianapolis. Are you ready for some football? Well, then you've come to the wrong place. We're drag racing today. Once we made it to the track, Forrest set to work cleaning up the 59 with our own Jeff Burton. As for Nicholas, I don't even want to know what's happening here. Kevin Tetz brought his Zed Sled Camaro by our Big Rig at Indy. Some see this bottle as half-empty, but I see it in a more positive light, one in which it will fit into my checked luggage for the trip home. Hmmm, as a photographer, I think I can pull of her technique. I'll just need something to put my hair up. Chevy brought some big time firepower out to Indy. Trust me, girl, I know exactly how you feel. In addition to John Force, Courtney Force came to Indy. And so did Robert Height. Talk about a trio of drag racing royalty. Since the track was open, we thought we'd shake down some of our cars. You know, for science. Classic Ford vs. Chevy battle between our own Jim Holloway and Steen Gilbertson. I'm just amazed Steen didn't have to pull over halfway down the track for a restroom break. Were it not for a red light, Jim (right lane) would have won this one. For their last grudge race, Steen let me ride shotgun. Everyone, but Mrs. Steen, check out this video of the run (Steen Drag 2 Small) You can see Steen slam hard on the brakes right before the finish line and then know immediately that he's in trouble (his 12.591 @ 90.50 broke him out of the tech bracket. The only thing I don't know is whether the woman who's going to "hammer him" is the timing steward or Mrs. Steen. Dear Mrs. Steen, that's mud, not little bits of tire. Nothing a little R3 can't fix. In keeping with the drag racing theme, James Schiefer challenged Shane to a battle of the 'Burbans. It was a race for the ages (and it took about as long). But when the tire dust settled... My man main, Shane took home the W in the "Shaneburban!" Our friends at Magnuson took the drag racing portion of the Tour a bit more seriously, swapping in a set of drag radials. Seemed to be working out well for them. 944 with a V8 bark... And enough bite to back it up, something this Corvette owner learned the hard way. That wraps up ourDay 05 coverage. Tomorrow will be our last leg of the Tour where we'll go 276 miles to Bowling Green, Kentucky. In the meantime, please enjoy our Gallery of Day 05 pics here. John Naderi for Mothers® Polishes•Waxes•Cleaners facebook.com/mothersusa