Power Tour

This is my eighth Power Tour of duty and while I haven’t racked up the impressive stats (or successful careers, loving families, and ability to make good choices) of say, Forrest or Shane, this ain’t my first rodeo (that was decades ago and the clowns really frightened me). Every year the Tour may, on the surface appear to blur into the next, where hot rodders from all walks of life routinely devour the miles on a daily quest to reach the next stop. Coming into Day 01 of this, the 2018 Tour, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would be a deja reboot of 2017, like some sort of Oceans installment that even the impossibly plucky Sandy Bullock can’t save. It turns out that couldn’t be further from the truth (although I could totes enjoy a proper dinner and a movie date night about now). Each year the Tour brings fresh stories and new tales that come with each passing mile. For me, the first of these stories came as I watched Jim send Forrest off in his late father's beloved Chevelle. I'd say this one caught me right in the feels, if there wasn't so much dust in the room right now. Once I stopped cutting onions we were off. With miles to go before landing at Chattanooga we couldn't afford to waste a single minute... that is, until we wasted 25 of them after a hard fought 1.3 miles into our 200 mile drive. Since Shane has spent thousands on cold brews, that puts him nearly halfway toward a free drink and put us at Bowling Green's friendly neighborhood 'Bucks. When Shane was busy looking up the calorie content of the Starbucks fruit cups, I snatched a double smoked bacon cheddar and egg sandwich to tide me over between his, ahem, nutritious and delicious healthy snacks. And since he has a strict non-bland ban on real food in our QX Sexy rental, I had to move quickly before he caught the scent of a lessor snack. Too late. I think Shane caught a whiff of my delectable empty calories, which is amazing, given how rancid his bark bars smell. I was hoping Forrest would run interference by asking Shane how many steps he logged yesterday, but I think the chin strap of his jaunty hat restricted his circulation, preventing him from crafting a ruse on the fly. This was shortly before Shane found the nutritional information for my sandwich. The resulting intervention was not pretty, nor welcome for that matter. Where's the nearest Cracker Barrel when I need it. And look, here's Brian Thomson, only twenty minutes into a week with us and he's already calling for someone else (read: anyone else) to join on the Tour. I can't blame you, Brian. And also, take me with you. Once we talked Brian down off the ledge and Shane talked about what kind of gum is Whole30 compliant (trick question, gum is strictly forbidden), we got on the road to Chattanooga. Seeing this almost makes me feel bad about sending back my DSBC & E sammie. I said almost, because, and I cannot stress this enough, one does not simply overmelt cheddar. My first world problems aside, this is how you do Power Tour. And these are exactly the kinds of stories that make the tour so compelling for me. Well, that and the power recline function on the seats in our QX Sexy rental. Speaking of stories from the Tour, this image says so much. Look at that Duster 340! Look at that hair! Look at that price on ground chuck! Into everyone's Tour a little rain must fall and this year was no exception. As much as we love to care for our rides, we also love to get them out on the open road, rain or shine. Here's Forrest putting Big Al's Chevelle through its paces. When the rain came, these fellahs were thankful for the power top on their '68 Chevelle. See how easy that is. But much like my career, love life, diet and more, things don't always go as smoothly as planned. Case in point, this determined lass. Never say die. You've got this! I'm totally pulling for you. And I'd be glad to help, but then who will take the pictures if I go and do that? You know, if you leave that top down, the commies will win. That's it, show the top who's boss! And she got it! I respectfully nominate her for co-pilot of the Tour. I would totally do the same for Shane, but I couldn't figure out how to work the power sunroof on our QX Sexy. Roadside liquor store musings that may or may not hit a little too close to home. Speaking of close quarters, I was this close to getting the Muddy Buddies out of the store, but Shane caught me from the gum aisle. You will soon be mine, Muddy Buddies. Oh, you will be mine. Forrest, you had better up your jaunty hat game. On a completely related note, why can't the T Rex take a selfie? This is where you say something about his freakishly short arms, then I say, "No, because they're extinct!" My dad joke game is strong. Yup, that's a Ford GT. On the Power Tour. We finally made it to Chattanooga Community College and while I was sorry to hear that English 101 was full, it's not a grave concern of mine, because I know English really good. A college campus is the perfect setting for our Shelby Terlingua, because it looks like it will school everyone. Oh, the dad jokes, they're flowing so freely now. As I mentioned earlier, Forrest traded in his Bauer blouse for a Jaunty hat. He looks as dashing as Ken did in the eighties, and the nineties, the two thousands, twenty tens, and um, today. Let's face it, when Ken finds a look that works, he embraces it wholeheartedly. Thank you, Forrest, for maintaining the rich cultural tapestry that is Ken's jaunty hat look. Hey look, it's the 755hp ZR1 Indy 500 pace car. While this looks to be a real deal Holden G8 Ute. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oy, oy, oy! And these are real deal Canadians, who came all the way from Canada! Mike Palanica (left) and Doug Davidson long hauled from Vancouver before long hauling the Tour. And I'm tired just writing all this. This is our new friend, Garrett Beaver and his 73 Jeep with a 648hp LS. It will do low sixes in the eighth, on two wheels for the first two hundred feet. Found what looked to be the ultimate ramp truck... until we shambled upon THE ultimate ramp truck that looked like it belonged to some ole' chicken farmer. Or you could tow your gear with an Optima Ultimate Street Car Invitational Camaro. As for me, I'm all about that van life. I think Shane, Forrest, and I could long haul with something like this and save so much on hotels. Parking lot showers for everyone! Is a bare metal finish still as cool if it's been cleared over? Our friend Scooter is back and had the grill fired up quickly. I'm pretty sure this is less Whole30 and more whole hog. Before we close out today's post, we want to wish the happiest of birthdays to our own, Jim Holloway. And if Shane's gotten to you, Jim, I'll be able to "dispose" of your cake. Sweet dreams, Chattanooga! Tomorrow we’ll be headed to Hoover Metropolitan Stadium in Alabama. Before we're Bama bound, you can enjoy our gallery of pics from Day 01 here. John Naderi for Mothers® Polishes•Waxes•Cleaners facebook.com/mothersusa